Patience...
I was scheduled to go into the hospital on the morning of February 16, 2012 to be induced so we could finally meet our precious boy. My mom had arrived the night before and Taylor and I had everything ready at home. Taylor gave me a blessing and over and over he said the word patience. So much so, It made me worried, but I knew it would all be okay, I would just have to be patient.
The next morning we all woke up early in anticipation. We were dressed and eaten when the phone rang... we'd been pushed back and it was now a waiting game. They promised I'd be in within a few hours as others were discharged from the hospital.
Taylor decided to take a rest, which in hindsight was a great idea, while my mom and I went on the hunt for a cute outfit for Nash's blessing. We shopped around most of the morning, found a great outfit and picked up some last minute things. After picking up Taylor and eating lunch we still hadn't heard anything! I was becoming so anxious at this point. Around 3:30 that afternoon we finally got the call! They asked how soon I could be there, I replied "We're on our way, we'll be there within a half hour."
I remember walking into the hospital so eagerly; I was so happy to finally meet my boy. I thought to myself, when I walk out of here, I'll have a son and be a mother. It was a happy thought and the fear of the unknown delivery melted a bit.
Once we checked in, I dressed and they got the pitocin rolling (after a traumatic IV experience) (ps I'm a wimp). They checked me every few hours and there was little progression. They told us they didn't think anything would be happening today. They took me off the pitocin, inserted something in my cervix to soften it, in hopes it would progress things, and gave me a sleeping pill.
The next morning, my doctor arrived and broke my water. I was at a 3 at this point. He said I would begin progressing faster and the contractions would start. The contractions definitely started! I was in pain pretty quick. They gave me a weird exercise type ball to straddle which helped with the pain. It wasn't too long until I was requesting the epidural.
I have to say that the epidural may have been the worst part of this whole thing. I cried the entire time and wanted to die. It hurt so bad as I felt the needle move around in my spine. My nurse Lois was my saving grace and got me through that and everything that was to come. As well as my mom and Taylor. After this I was finally able to relax and got some rest. Mentally and physically I was so exhausted and I was becoming very discouraged that he would never arrive! They checked me and I was at a 4. It was mid afternoon at this point.
My nurse let me know not soon afterwards, that my doctor had a death in his family and was on his way to California. This may have been the beginning of my breakdown. I really like my doctor and had grown to feel very comfortable and assured with him. I was pretty nervous about delivering with a doctor I had never met. The nurse then told me when she spoke with my doctor he asked her to check me again and if I hadn't progressed he was going to recommend C-section. This pretty much escalated my nerves and the pitocin had begun to make me nauseous, I started throwing up over and over. I was a mess.
The nurse came back to check me a while later. As she checked I couldn't decide what outcome I wanted. I really wanted to deliver vaginally but I was so tired and part of me wanted the c-section so it could just be over. She told me there had been no progression and that a c-section was most likely going to happen. When the new doctor arrived she checked and confirmed that was the route that had to be taken. She said that it just wasn't going to happen vaginally, it wasn't progressing and my pelvis was too small for what they thought was about a 10 pound baby. She said all my deliveries would be c-section because of something called CPD meaning my pelvis would always be too small to push a baby out.
Within minutes they were prepping me for surgery. Taylor and Todd gave me a blessing and I felt calm for a moment. But once they started wheeling me down the hall into the surgery room as fast as they could, I was freaking. As we rolled in I saw the clock, 5:27pm. They had already kicked out my mom and sent her to the waiting room and they made Taylor wait in another room until everything was ready for the surgery. They moved me from bed to bed, strapped down my arms and I just started screaming. I was so afraid, so tired, so sick, and alone. I was shaking uncontrollably and felt like I couldn't breathe. I was screaming for Taylor, but the nurses said he couldn't come in yet. They tried to calm me down but it wasn't happening. Finally Taylor came in, I remember him brushing my forehead, saying it was okay, and then nothing.
The next thing I knew Taylor was shaking me saying look here he is. Nash was here! Born at 5:35. All I managed to say was "oh okay." Somehow I missed the whole thing! After 24 hours of being in the hospital waiting for that moment I missed it! I don't know if I blacked out or if the doctor gave me something, but I don't remember anything. My nurse, Lois told me everything went well, all I said was "does he have hair?" She said yes.
They took me to recovery where I finally got to hold my guy. It was love at first sight, the most precious boy I ever knew or could imagine. He was perfect and everything I wanted. I was so happy and knew that everything I had gone through was worth it, for that sweet boy.
We finally got to the postpartum room and they let my mom in. She was quite upset she'd been left out and was worried about us all since several hours had passed. I was so glad to see her when she came in. Everyone still needs their mom, even when they're 27.
We spent the next few days at the hospital as I recovered. We took our boy home the next Monday. Mom stayed until Thursday and Brooke came Tuesday and stayed until Saturday. I was so lucky to have both of them there as I couldn't hardly walk or get up after sitting.
Since then we've eased into our wonderful life with Nash. What started on November 6th, 2010 when Taylor and I were married, felt complete when Nash arrived. One stepping stone to this one.
Nash Stephen Cotter
(named after his Grandpa, not another well known guy :))
February 17th, 2012
5:35pm
8lbs 1oz
21 inches
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| Meeting cousin Henry |
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